Letting a Child Be a Child - An Unscheduled Summer
This summer my husband and I have decided to let our 13-year old son have some down time. Most prior summers we have had him scheduled for a variety of activities such as camp, sports practices, and visits with relatives. His summers were so full that they just flew by for him - and for us.
So this summer he is only scheduled for a 2-week daytime drama program and our week of family vacation. No organized sports, no camp away from home, and only a few visits with other family.
When we told him about this arrangement, he was angry and almost cried. "What was he going to do all summer?! Just sit around the house and be bored?" We told him that whether he would be bored or not was entirely up to him.
That's the point of our decision for him this summer. Because he has always had everything scheduled for him, I don't think my son understands what to do with himself when he's not scheduled for something.
During the school year, he has school, and sports practice three days a week, and homework and school projects. Even many of his weekends are filled well ahead of time with sports events. Compared to what I can remember having as a child, he has relatively little down time to be alone and just sit and think, or read, or draw, or listen to music. I've noticed that when he's faced with unscheduled time, he doesn't quite know what to do with himself.
So this summer is going to be a time for him to learn. We live in a semi-rural area, so he can go ride his bike. He can walk or ride down to the park and go swimming. He can set a chair in the back yard and spend the morning reading a book. He can take a walk in the woods and maybe get an appreciation for the calm energy that nature and solitude can bring (okay, maybe he won't learn that for another 20 years, if ever).
We hope it's also a time for him to learn more responsibility. He can wake up whenever he wants in the morning, but he's going to have to get his own breakfast and lunch. He'll have a list of tasks or chores to complete each day to keep getting his allowance. And if he wants to earn some additional money, he can work with Dad a few days a week. The cable and the internet will be off during the day so he won't be able to spend his days surfing the Web or zoned out for hours in front of the tv.
I also have to admit that my husband and I are looking forward to having more of our own down time from this arrangement this summer. Fewer hours spent in the car carting him from one place to another. No need to do all the shopping that goes along with getting prepared for camp. Fewer places that we have to be at a certain time. More time to just enjoy our family during the all-too-short summer months.
I remember summers from my childhood when I was free to just enjoy the summer and the unscheduled time away from school. My parents didn't send me to camp and I can't say that I missed out on anything by not going. I had free time to learn what to do with myself when no one else was telling me what to do.
Children can't learn these lessons if they don't have enough unscheduled time to themselves. We live in a hectic and often over-scheduled society, and I think as parents we sometimes we need to step back so our children have the time they need to just be children. They need free time to learn what to do with themselves when no one is telling them where they have to be or what they have to do, and an unscheduled summer is the perfect time to learn that lesson.
